If I Were a Boy

I can only imagine how difficult it is to be a parent. Obviously, you'd have dreams for your kid/s. You'd want for them to be successful. You'd want them to be happy. I mean, you'd love them. What I don't understand is when parents put a limitation on that love. Over the past several years, I have seen a handful of my personal friends 'disowned' by their family because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. I have seen students go homeless and hungry while they wait on their parents to take them back.

That is not okay.

To all of the parents reading this, why? Why would you ever want your child to be completely alone? On September 3, 2014, Rolling Stone reported saying that there are between 320,000 and 400,000 homeless LGBTQ+ youth in the United States. 40% of these children choose to leave because of rejection. The parents who choose to punish their children for their sexuality instead of embracing them honestly disgust me. Pushing your children away push them into this abyss of despair. 

The saddest thing, to me, is the suffocation approach that many parents take. By never letting your child leave the home or talk to friends you are ruining every ounce of your relationship with them. When they are 18, and can finally dictate their life completely, you will be the people they choose to avoid. I understand that you want your child to be a certain way. But ultimately, you can't control every detail about them. Ultimately, if your child is safe and happy... isn't that all that matters?

Take this, for example, which would you rather have your daughter date?

Male	Female
17	17
70% attendance rate	97% attendance rate
Tries to sleep with her	Loves to speak with her
Parties on the weekend	Works on the weekend
Might someday move out of parents house	Planning on going to an Ivy League University
Kind of likes her	ADORES her
Thinks she is hot	Thinks that she is beautiful in every possible way.

 

If you choose the first person because they are a male, you have the point of being a parent all wrong. 

Personally, I don't want to have kids at all. If I did, though, I would want them to be with whoever makes them happy. I would do everything in my power to make sure they felt safe.

"But this is a Christian family and we will NOT have a queer living under this roof!"

1. Please, read this right now.

2. Your child is not gay OR Christian. Your child is whatever THEY identify themselves as. They are no different than they were before you knew this one small part of them.

3. Fine, send them to my house. If you are going to treat your child like dirt than it is you who does not deserve them. There is not always a safe alternative for them to turn to, understand that. However, if you are in this situation and anywhere near me... I am not kidding. My couch is very open and would love to have you on it. No one deserves to be afraid of their home. 

If you are in this situation or know someone who is, please use the following resources:

• Trevor Helpline Toll-free: 866.4.U.TREVOR (866.488.7386)Hours: Seven days a wekk, 24 hours a day National suicide and crisis counseling for lesbian and gay youth. Local resource referrals available.
• GLBT National Youth Talkline 800-246-PRIDE (1-800-246-7743) Hours: Monday-Saturday 9:30pm to Midnight, Eastern time Peer support and resources for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, queer, and questioning youth.
• CDC National STD and AIDS Hotline Toll-free: (800) 342-AIDS or (800) AIDS-TTY Hours: Seven days a week, 24 hours a day
• GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender) National Hotline Toll-free: (888) THE-GLNH, (888) 843-4564 Hours: Monday-Friday, 4:00P.M. to MIDNIGHT, and Saturday, Noon to 5:00P.M. Eastern Standard Time
• Linea Nacional del SIDA y ETS Toll-free: (800) 344-7432 Hours: Seven days a week, 8:00A.M. to 2:00P.M. Eastern Standard Time
• National Runaway Switchboard Toll-free (800) 621-4000 Hours: Seven days a week, 24 hours a day Hotline for runaway/homeless youth and their families.

 If you feel like you need more direct support feel free to contact me directly and I can help navigate through the next few phases. 

lindsayduede@gmail.com

Karen.

My faith in humanity was just awakened after what seems like eternal hibernation. Lounging around the front desk of the hotel I work at, I met a wonderful elderly women. (A women I had yet to learn the name of.) Whilst checking her in, she began telling me of her adventures at home. She claims she is nothing significant, just a measly Walmart employee. A few moments later she mentioned volunteering at the hospital because it MATTERS to her. As a fan of volunteer work, I commended her on her compassion for others. The world needs more people to step out and volunteer just to help. She stepped back from the counter and exited through the lobby doors. 

As I returned to my work, I glanced up to see her assisting a 92 year old women across the floor, smiling at me as they passed by. Later during the evening the original women, who I discovered is named Karen, returns to my desk. Immediately she begins the origin of her relationship with the 92 year old, Ms. Mary. 6 years ago the Ms. Mary was practically left widowed, causing her to be scared and alone. After just briefly meeting Karen, she began staying at her house. Now, 6 years later, they are best friends. This story may not come across as wonderful as it appears to me, but it really is.

So many of us live day to day treating the people we do know with spite out of comfort. This women treated a stranger with love and compassion, and has been rewarded because of it. The world needs more people like Karen.

A Huge Step _________.

On September 25th, 2015, the queer community will take a huge step. On this day, Centropolis Entertainment will release Stonewall. The IMDB page has a plot summary that reads, "A young man's political awakening and coming of age during the days and weeks leading up to the Stonewall Riots." Now, a lot of individuals are pissed about this movie. So, before I really get into this, I would like to address a few things. I am white and I am privileged. Of course I don't have the same insight and understand as a person of color. I also was not AT the Stonewall Riots in 1969. Everyone who is arguing over this movie is in a quite a few places of privilege, so I urge everyone to take a few steps back. Aggressive discussions won't do any good for anyone. So, try to understand where others are coming from. Even if someone has a view that you feel is daft or narrow-minded don't discredit them for it. Instead, hear them out and then explain your view. Otherwise you really won't get ANYWHERE with them.

Now, let's go over a few issues.

This film is whitewashed. 

This is something you don't even have to watch the movie to know, just look at the cast list. Nearly all of the credits go to cis-white individuals. (I'm not sure of the straight to queer ratio.) In reality, the majority of Stonewall Riot heroes were transgender women of color. So why is this movie so brazenly presenting a mostly Caucasian cast? Personally, I think all media needs to include more diversity - not JUST this movie. Hollywood is whitewashed, not just Stonewall. The root of this problem will not be addressed by getting upset at this one movie that is blatantly misrepresenting the true population at the riots. 

Get mad AT Hollywood. Demand to see more diversity on screen. I don't just mean to tell more stories of diversity, but to use PoC and queer actors/actresses in everyday story-lines. Give a love interest to a queer character without the only trait of the relationship being that it is queer. Focus on a transgender character without directing the entire show towards gender. Show people of color and Caucasians blending in society without FOCUSING on race. I say this not to take away from the obvious strains that comes with being diverse, but to HUMANIZE the population. We need to deconstruct the media's portrayal of the token queer or colored friend. We are MORE than our sexuality, gender identification, or skin color and it time that the world gets to see authentic queer  and colored characters. 

This film doesn't feature the TRUE Stonewall Heroes.

Going into this movie you should know that it is NOT a documentary. It is NOT historically perfect. However, I see this as an opportunity. The fact that this is historical-fiction allows us to have a much bigger conversation. When this movie is released, it will no doubt draw a lot of press. It is up the US to make sure that that press is used to educate people on the actual Stonewall Riots. Presently, they aren't taught in schools. In fact, unless you're a member of the queer community in one way or another... I doubt you even know much about them. (I'll provide educational links at the bottom of this page for those of you who are interested. I really hope you will take a moment to buff up your knowledge on the subject before attacking views either way.)

When this movie comes out, we need to give it as much attention as possible. Why? Because if we don't, no one will. Society will not receive this as the queer community rejecting a historically inaccurate movie. They will receive it as a movie over queer history failing in the box offices, so why make more? This movie WILL NOT BE PERFECT. But it is such a huge step for this community... Honestly, so few movies are made that focus on queer history. We have been all but erased. Now, we are penciling our way back in. Therefore, the notion to boycott this movie, while understandable, doesn't seem like a good idea to me. If this movie gets bad ratings and drops out of theaters than we lose our chance at voicing the truth. If we actually see the movie and then speak out about the discrepancies between it and reality, we will actually be heard. 

Don't get me wrong, I don't support the whitewashing. I HATE that it appears like the true heroes will barely appear in the movie, if at all. However, this is about so much more than just a movie; this is about our movement. We shouldn't 'settle' for a watered-down version of our truth, but we shouldn't fight a voice that is trying to help us. We should try to guide that voice down a better path and use this movie as a HUGE stepping stone towards drawing awareness towards all of these frustratingly real issues. Much like the HUGE uproar towards Caitlyn Jenner because of her privileges. Instead of arguing with all media attention the queer community needs to embrace the momentum and use it to spread positive awareness towards real issues. So, I will watch Stonewall, and I urge you to do the same. 

Just a few more notes ahead.

We ALL come from places of privilege in some aspect. None of us share the exact same background, so none of us should expect to have the same views. However, we should try to understand where we each are coming from. If you feel the need to boycott Stonewall, do it. You are every bit as justified as me. Just don't be hateful towards me or anyone else who will decide to watch the movie. Thus far, we all have only seen a two minute trailer. (Assuming that the reader of this has actually seen the trailer. If not, watch it here.) Hopefully, a lot of these issues will be ironed out in the actual movie. If not, hopefully the queer community will use it as an opportunity to speak out about the true events at Stonewall. 

Teaching queer history is SO important and it just doesn't happen right now. This is not meant to be an educational film, but it surely has potential to at least expose the mass population to the idea of Stonewall. I'm not settling for this, but I am thankful for this step forward on a much longer journey. 

For you to just peruse:
http://www.villagevoice.com/film/queens-of-the-night-what-really-happened-at-the-stonewall-inn-6393707
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-lambert/stonewall-whitewashes-tra_b_7982208.html

Stop Me If You... No, Just Stop Me.

I. Am. SO. Tired.

With good reason, of course. Currently, I work two jobs and seven days a week; I volunteer on a few days as well. With the start of my senior year approaching rapidly, I take every opportunity to study or work on college applications. No matter how proactively I am using my time, the fact is, I am exhausted. Most people would ask for a day or two off, but I won't. I will spend every waking moment of mine consumed by activity.

Why? Society has turned me restless. (Yes, I'm blaming society for yet another issue. Maybe that is a sign that this community ought to step up its game.)

I mean, I have so much to do...
-Graduate high school
-Save money
-Find a way to pay for college tuition
-Get IN to a college
     -Make my resume 'spicy'
         -Join lots of clubs
              -Have leadership roles
         -Take advanced classes
              -PASS THE CLASSES
         -Score high on the ACT/SAT
              -Study for them NONSTOP
         -Write SO MANY ADMISSION ESSSAYS (plz make it end)
         -Show that I can work during the academic year
         -Get killer recommendations
               -Over extend myself for every teacher.
-Stay mentally sane
         -Fake it.


The list goes on and on. While yes, I put a lot of this pressure on myself, a prodigious amount comes from outside forces inculcating me with the fear of failure. The very idea of not being successful causes me to become aroused with panic. Therefore, I push myself (over a mental cliff).

I am nowhere near to the only kid stressing out over my future. In fact, USA Today reported that 27% of high school students have claimed extreme stress during the last school year. (55% claimed moderate stress.) So what is the root of why so many teens are stressing out?

From the moment that a child steps foot in school doors, they are placed in an overly competitive environment. It all starts with a gold star. During the first few years of schooling, teachers are commonly known to give out rewards to students who do something well; leaving students who preform average left out. Teachers look at this as motivation, students look at this as a competition. I was the student that would never be caught dead without the sticker by my name. It was embarrassing for students who did not receive one. Were they not as smart as their classmates? In elementary, the effects may seem harmless. However, when the mindset carries over into the student's life... it becomes a major problem.


"I have to be first in my class or I won't get into college!"
"If I don't get a 34 on my ACT than _________ has better chances of me at getting into _______ so I won't for sure!"
"A B?!? NOW I'LL NEVER GET INTO YALE!"-Blair Waldorf

You see my point? I'm all for being a high achiever. Yes, applying to colleges is incredibly stressful and competitive.

But it is not everything.

What really matters? Your mental health and your happiness matter so incredibly much. If you don't leave yourself time to sleep or just breath, then what good will any of your hard work do? Society has pit teenager versus teenager; and, it is time that we deconstruct that mindset. I can easily shine my brightest without worrying about how well everyone else is doing. In fact, I can probably shine brighter. I really do love everything that I do, but I am over-extending myself. I need to separate what I am doing for ME and what I am doing for a gold star.

We all get this one incredible life on Earth. Personally, I would rather spend mine enjoying every day instead of being consumed with stress. Parents, encourage your children to be THEIR best, not to worry when they're not the best. Children, don't only waste your youth consumed by thoughts of tomorrow. Remember to shake off the pressure society is placing on you, and decide for yourself who and where you want to be. 

She vs He: The Stigma.

I have approximately 18 drafts for posts that I would like to make. However, every time that I start writing on them... well.. I come up dry. The times that I am able to post something are the times that I feel the most passionate and sure of myself.

Right now, I am 100% sure that this post is necessary.

My whole life, I have lived in the confines of what society tells me is acceptable. Often, those rules are highlighted by my gender. Now, I think most people can agree that gender roles are not only sexist, but also ignorant. I'm not here to nag individuals that are stuck in the 1920's about their behavior. Instead, I'd like to point out the new, fresh form of subtle sexism.

Today, sitting on the gym at my High School, I engaged with one of my peers in a conversation about my sexuality. This is something that I have grown very comfortable in doing. I mean, if I wasn't confident enough to talk about myself to one person how could I expect to have an impact on the world? Anyway, at one point in the conversation this dude looks me dead in the eyes and says, "I mean... two girls together isn't like... as messed up as two guys together..." He continued to talk, but I had already tuned out. I would like to point out that he appeared to have good intentions and only said this after I assured him that he wouldn't offend me with whatever was on his mind.

Here is a (read as 'the') problem with that: 

For Girl + Girl > Boy + Boy to be true, than Girl > Boy must be true as well. 

As soon as he stopped talking, I presented that idea to him. I directly asked him what the difference between a cis-male and a cis-female was. Immediately, he began to name off physical characteristics. Finally, he was able to agree that men and women are EQUALS. I guess what I'm saying is this: I don't personally understand how you can believe that men and women are equal, yet condemn one more for doing the EXACT SAME THING. Not only is this obviously homophobic and sexist, but it is also VERY ignorant.

This is not even close to being the only conversation I've had along those lines. The idea of two women being together has perversely been turned into a fantasy for many. The thought of two guys kissing? Gross. Wrong. Sick.

Do you see the problem? 

Society needs to stop sexualizing women. 

I wish we could live in a world without regarding the skin color, sexual orientation, or gender expression of others. Obviously, that isn't going to happen anytime soon. That doesn't have to inhibit us from taking strides forward! I urge you to really think through the things you say. I'll be the first to admit that I often speak without thinking. It wasn't until a good friend of mine asked me a simple question, (why?) that I began to even question my way of thinking. I realized that it isn't my right to talk about something that I don't understand. I have certain privileges that I have received by just being born as who I am. (Ex.: I typically don't face racial slurs.) Everyone is privileged in one way or another. It is not my job to act like I'm not. However, it is my job to be accountable for not overstepping with my privilege. I can not use my voice to advocate for/against something that I have no true experience with.

It. Is. Not. My. Place.

This conversation with a straight-white-cis-male is a perfect example of privilege. Once again, I'm not opposed to discussing who I am or why I am that way. I am opposed to generalizing groups of people. I am also opposed to someone who can view one person doing ANYTHING as better or worse than another just because of their gender expression/sexual identification/skin color/ect..


I know that this post got kind of off topic in a few areas.

What I really hope you can take away from this is how important it is to really think about what you believe in and what you say. To speak from privilege is to speak blindly. Please make sure that there is basic logic behind whatever it is that you feel that you need to say. Humans are all equal. We are flesh and blood. You can't judge one without judging a much larger group.

*end rant*

Queer / The World in Labels

Some people are scared of labels. 

Some people feel confined and trapped by labels.

Others, myself included, feel empowered by labels. 

I love even just the idea of getting to choose my own labels. Labels don't have to define you; unless, you want them to. You don't have to live by your labels. Your labels are created by how you live.  

As much as everyone tries to deny it, we label each other every day. I'm labeled as 'Too Talkative.' Monica Geller is labeled as a 'Clean Freak.' Phoebe Buffay is labeled as 'Spacey.' Joey Tribbiani can be labeled as a 'Player.' (I'm watching Friends while I'm writing this.) 

"Lindsay, why were all of those labels negative?"

WELL I'LL TELL YOU. When we label each other we are typically looking for/at faults. We don't acknowledge the traits we like about each other. Instead, we put on a 'warning label.' 

By labeling myself I have the ability to create positive labels. I have the ability to validate and affirm myself. Some labels are rather controversial, though. For example, I find power in the word queer. For years, the word queer was hijacked to have a negative connotation. Recently, it has been taken back. 

Basically, queer, in this context, can be defined as anyone who identifies as outside the societal norm of gender identity or sexual orientation. 

For me, using the term queer makes me feel strong. Every time it is used in a positive context it combats those who try to use it negatively. It connects me with the rest of my community. 

Does anyone out there watch The Fosters? 

I do. (*If you're not caught up or don't watch, there are possible spoilers ahead.*)

Essentially, Jude wants to be Jude. He doesn't want to be 'Jude the Gay Kid.' He has lived a life with labels on and is excited to get the chance to just be Jude. (Recently, after a talk with Cole, he also found the power in labels. Which brought some really cute Jonnor moments to life on screen.)  

I mean, that seems pretty understandable to me. If someone is happy with not picking a label than they shouldn't have to. They don't have to. I get it, putting people in boxes can feel nice. To know where someone fits can make your life feel a little more organized. However, not everyone needs boxes. Not everyone wants boxes. Not everyone even understands the desire for boxes. 

So stop trying to shove everyone into boxes.

I choose to live a life in my own labels. I feel empowered. 

You can choose to live a life anyway that you want to. 

Choose your labels, or choose to not use labels. 

Exist without limits, and you will hopefully find comfort in words that can express that existence. 

I am queer. 

When My Wall Came Tumbling Down

I could start this post of discussing an issue close to my heart. 

I could, instead, try to write something humorous for once. 

I could waste your time with some facts or my perspective on a subject you don't care about.

I could always write about MY life and see if anyone is actually listening.

   See, the beautiful thing is knowing how many options I have. I can pretty much type anything I want without facing consequences. Sure, along the way I may offend a few of my friends or make myself look ridiculous....but.... who cares? My computer empowers me. It lets me hide behind a screen and voice my opinions. 

So many people are stuck behind their screens. I ache for them to find somewhere else that they can not only be heard, but feel heard. It was less than two weeks ago that I found mine.

Woah, woah, woah, what do you mean feel heard?

I have spent my ENTIRE life (over) talking. The people in my life are not able to deny the volume and frequency of my voice. I am left in a constant haze of "...why did I just say that?!?" My guess is that I keep talking because I don't feel like there is anyone listening.

Hearing ≠ Listening

Those of us who tend to feel... unwanted spend a lot of time trying to advertise. Logic makes it seem like the more I say the more someone will pick up, even inadvertently. On the internet someone, anyone, is likely to reblog, favorite, or like something I have to say. I am so thankful for the laptop that I'm typing on. I am beyond grateful for my cellphone with 3G capabilities. I am in utter awe of my love for the internet modem. Seriously, wow!

However, none of that acceptance comes anything close to what I have found in the 'real world.' Anyone who is friends with or follows me on social media knows that I just visited NYC with the wonderful organization GLSEN just under two weeks ago. This trip really changed my life.

The friends and people that I see day to day are... nice. Really, they are. However, I've always been on guard around them. Afraid to laugh too hard or say something way too weird, I just kinda hid myself. This is in no way the fault of those wonderful friends. I've just never been secure in my own personal identity. Now, when I met the students and faculty at GLSEN my outer shell melted away instantly. 

I was comfortable. 

Going in, I knew that these people were going to be accepting. 

Going in, I knew that it was going to be a culture shock.

Going in, I would have never bet on how I would leave. 

I spent the weekend among some of the most diverse and inspiring youth from all around the USA. We met representatives from organizations like Change.org and the lovely Vine star, Jeffery Marsh. We ate New York pizza and walked around Manhattan. We relaxed with some breathing exercises. We talked, laughed, hugged, took selfies, sang Beyonce, and we bonded. I can't speak for anyone else there, but I had one of the best times of my life. 

I spoke openly. I didn't feel judged or looked down on. When I said something that someone else didn't agree with I wasn't attacked. Instead, we talked it out. As lame as it sounds, I didn't know an environment like this existed. I didn't know PEOPLE like this existed.  These people not only heard my voice, but they listened to what it was saying. 

So, fast forward a little bit to the plane ride home. I was sitting in my seat, 13B, and wondering why I felt so different. I felt.. open? Free? Independent? All of those are true, but the word I was looking for was deliberate.

As the tattoo on my ankle says, I try to "Live Deliberately." It wasn't until this trip that I actually succeeded. I was free to be myself, and I took that opportunity with both eyes open. 

It

Felt

Rad.

There is so much more out in the world than what lies behind the screen of a computer or a cellphone. To anyone out there using the internet to feel involved, just get away. Get away from your typical friends or family members and find a place to start over. Even if it is just for a weekend, it can change everything. You won't have anyone telling you who you should be. YOU can decide who you are.

...Kind of like you do on the internet. 

Only better.