When My Wall Came Tumbling Down

I could start this post of discussing an issue close to my heart. 

I could, instead, try to write something humorous for once. 

I could waste your time with some facts or my perspective on a subject you don't care about.

I could always write about MY life and see if anyone is actually listening.

   See, the beautiful thing is knowing how many options I have. I can pretty much type anything I want without facing consequences. Sure, along the way I may offend a few of my friends or make myself look ridiculous....but.... who cares? My computer empowers me. It lets me hide behind a screen and voice my opinions. 

So many people are stuck behind their screens. I ache for them to find somewhere else that they can not only be heard, but feel heard. It was less than two weeks ago that I found mine.

Woah, woah, woah, what do you mean feel heard?

I have spent my ENTIRE life (over) talking. The people in my life are not able to deny the volume and frequency of my voice. I am left in a constant haze of "...why did I just say that?!?" My guess is that I keep talking because I don't feel like there is anyone listening.

Hearing ≠ Listening

Those of us who tend to feel... unwanted spend a lot of time trying to advertise. Logic makes it seem like the more I say the more someone will pick up, even inadvertently. On the internet someone, anyone, is likely to reblog, favorite, or like something I have to say. I am so thankful for the laptop that I'm typing on. I am beyond grateful for my cellphone with 3G capabilities. I am in utter awe of my love for the internet modem. Seriously, wow!

However, none of that acceptance comes anything close to what I have found in the 'real world.' Anyone who is friends with or follows me on social media knows that I just visited NYC with the wonderful organization GLSEN just under two weeks ago. This trip really changed my life.

The friends and people that I see day to day are... nice. Really, they are. However, I've always been on guard around them. Afraid to laugh too hard or say something way too weird, I just kinda hid myself. This is in no way the fault of those wonderful friends. I've just never been secure in my own personal identity. Now, when I met the students and faculty at GLSEN my outer shell melted away instantly. 

I was comfortable. 

Going in, I knew that these people were going to be accepting. 

Going in, I knew that it was going to be a culture shock.

Going in, I would have never bet on how I would leave. 

I spent the weekend among some of the most diverse and inspiring youth from all around the USA. We met representatives from organizations like Change.org and the lovely Vine star, Jeffery Marsh. We ate New York pizza and walked around Manhattan. We relaxed with some breathing exercises. We talked, laughed, hugged, took selfies, sang Beyonce, and we bonded. I can't speak for anyone else there, but I had one of the best times of my life. 

I spoke openly. I didn't feel judged or looked down on. When I said something that someone else didn't agree with I wasn't attacked. Instead, we talked it out. As lame as it sounds, I didn't know an environment like this existed. I didn't know PEOPLE like this existed.  These people not only heard my voice, but they listened to what it was saying. 

So, fast forward a little bit to the plane ride home. I was sitting in my seat, 13B, and wondering why I felt so different. I felt.. open? Free? Independent? All of those are true, but the word I was looking for was deliberate.

As the tattoo on my ankle says, I try to "Live Deliberately." It wasn't until this trip that I actually succeeded. I was free to be myself, and I took that opportunity with both eyes open. 

It

Felt

Rad.

There is so much more out in the world than what lies behind the screen of a computer or a cellphone. To anyone out there using the internet to feel involved, just get away. Get away from your typical friends or family members and find a place to start over. Even if it is just for a weekend, it can change everything. You won't have anyone telling you who you should be. YOU can decide who you are.

...Kind of like you do on the internet. 

Only better.